About Us
Our Experience
Founders Johnny "J.D." Cargill and David W. Dwyer have over 50 years combined experience chasing the elusive Unicorn and making the impossible happen. Gifted in the ways of the spoken word, Cargill and Dwyer know the secret codes that open the doors to your future. We do a lot of other shit, too (for a small fee).
We Make Shit Happen!
Give us a problem and we'll fix it. It may be hard for you, but not for us. Guess that's why you need Unicorn Services, huh? Unicorns shit Glitter and everything's better with Glitter. As a matter of fact, we've been shittin' glitter since 1928!
Why Us?
Better yet, Why the Hell not us??? We've been pissing rainbows successfully on lots of folks just like you for years. Give us a chance to show you our magic.